I love to be around children they say some great things. I went and cut my hair short yesterday, and the little girl who is 3 I live with was terrified and told me she didn't like it. This same sweet girl last night was sitting down with her mom, dad and myself. Mom said to the tv "What and asshole" the three year old looks at her and as sweet as pie says "Why an asshole mommy?" Well after telling her that it was a bad word that she shouldn't say and mommy apologized for saying it, we then couldn't resist cracking up because it was hysterical since she asked it so innocently. Ahhh out of the mouths of babes.

Tonight I walked away from a very confusing situation. My first dating experience in 4yrs. After 6mnths of dancing around I was told that I was loved but the middle was missing basically that thing that turns a friends with benefits to a relationship and that it wasn't me it was him. Right now I want to cry,scream, and hate but it is hard. I was basically told the ball was in my court, if I could be just friends I should call....I am so confused right now. I am not sure how I feel I thought I had found a good thing turns out I was wrong..I know there are other fish out there and I am no longer afraid of being alone but I don't know I am writing this 10min after it happened so I am probably not thinking clearly. I am going to take my sleeping pil and try to get some sleep if I have more insight I will post tomorrow.

Well I have finally moved, everything is done and there is nothing left but to do a little more unpacking and settle in to my new home. I am greatful that this went off a lot easier than I thought it would, and it has taken so much stress off of me I can physically feel it. However this now leaves me to deal with another issue in my life, that to be honest I have been avoiding, because of the fact that I know how much it will hurt me to end a "relationship", and what I will be loosing in doing so. I just feel that I can't continue being number 500(being sarcastic), I don't want to be the person in the background, that no one knows about and that doesn't event warrant the respect of being treated as a date. I truly care about this person and I know to walk away will hurt especially with the bond that I have built with his children, but I can't stay around for that. I am turning 30 this year and this is supposed to be the year of Meli, and it hasn't been a bad year....but if I am choosing to be with someone, I don't want it to be half-assed anymore.